My preciousss...

Manhattan is calling to me.

Which, really, makes me feel a little bit like a crazy person because I've never actually been there. (oops, that was a secret...) Before you go passing judgement, you have to understand I hear stories and get pictures almost everyday about how great life is going to be once I finally get there. I need to get there!

(and when i do, i'm posting a picture of the view of the g.w. bridge that's right outside our apartment window, and then you can sympathize with me ha. if it makes you crazy, anyone is welcome to come visit!)

I'm alternating feeling really pissed off about this whole stupid IIH/PTC (for those of you who don't know what that stands for, that's idiosyncratic intracranial hypertension/pseudotumor cerebri. if you don't know what it is, google it.) episode because it has put my life on hold, but when I get tired of feeling angry, I am thankful.

Say what?

Yes, that's right. I am thankful. Not that it happened, mind you; just that it happened when it did.

I didn't know this at the time I had to call and cancel my flight, but the pressure building up in my head (which was causing my previously mis-diagnosed migraines) was putting immense pressure on my eyes and optic nerves. Ha. Which explains why my vision went crazy a few days later... Anyhoo, if I had climbed aboard the plane, when the cabin pressurized, my optic nerves would have ruptured from all the pressure and I would have gone blind.

Phew! Disaster averted; this is a plus in my book. I like being able to see, and I'd prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible. Plus, I'd imagine the whole rupturing optic nerves ordeal is downright painful. Cause, naturally, losing your sight needs some icing on the cake.

With all this waiting for my vision to stabilize, I'm also going to be here for the birth of my very first nephew. I cannot freaking wait! It's a little bit weird; I've never met this little guy and I already love him lots and lots! Maybe it's because he will be the first grandkid in our family and I've wanted a niece or nephew since I was like 5 and my best friend had them and I didn't. Ha.

Maybe it's cause I just love babies. Maybe it's cause he is going to be super smart and love peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (i had a dream about this, so it's for sure going to be true). Whatever the reason, he is super lucky cause his parents are pretty much awesome. I kind of love them too...

I was also able to see my best friend when she got back from being in Hawaii for school for 6 months. Had I left for New York when planned, I would have missed her by about a week. And she came home to put her mission papers in, so then I'd have had to wait ANOTHER year and a half to see her. Plus I've been able to be there for a couple of other friends when they needed me.

I see all of these as tender mercies provided to me by a loving Heavenly Father, and I am thankful for them and that He is so mindful of me. Especially since I don't feel like I deserve them at all at the moment.

I need to recommit myself to my New Year Resolution and recommit myself to being the very best person that I know how to be. To be a person who can feel grateful without also feeling guilty.

My wonderful friends and amazing family help me with this everyday. I am thankful for them as well. To all of you out there who read this, thank you. I have felt the difference your thoughts and prayers have made for me physically and spiritually these past few weeks. You are all examples to me and I look up to each and everyone of you and look to your examples.

(now i really want to say something creepy about watching you when you don't know it, but... i can't think of anything particularly witty at the moment. a side effect of this medication that's sucking me dry and keeping my spinal fluid in check... but you get the idea haha)

So much thanks.

I am one unbelievably lucky girl. Truly.