These tears... incorrigible

There are few things in life more painful than having your dignity and self-confidence torn from your fingers while they grasp at air because they don't know how to hold on.

Time needs to go faster and heal these wounds. That's what time is for, right?

The day I am able to stop bursting into tears multiple times a day needs to arrive. Swiftly.

My sanity and hydration depend on it.

Truer words were never spoken

"A woman needs ropes and ropes of pearls."

--Coco Chanel


Yes. A quote rivaled only by Elizabeth Taylor, who said,

"Big girls need big diamonds."

Oh yeah.

Huh.

I almost forgot I even had a blog. Which you've probably already deduced...
Go you.

School and work keep me excessively busy. I have a whole bunch of juicy little tidbits from the last few months of my life that I feel would be worth sharing. (some that will put you in fits of hysterical laughter, even more that will make you cringe and squirm.) At a more appropriate hour of the day, of course. When I'm somewhat rested and can remember all of them. I'm pretty sure I'll need to start blogging every day for just a lil' bit to get you all the way caught up.

You'll be glad I do. Promise.

So much easier said than done

Promise yourself...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic of the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

--Christian D. Larson


I saw this on Pinterest a while ago. I've been trying to integrate it into my life, and I'm having small success. I think I need to try harder.

What do you have to say about that, eh!?

To those of you who feel that my class load is a waste of my intellectual capabilities, I have just one thing to say to you.

The fact that I'm going to UVU makes that a moot point.


Just sayin'.

Fabulous. Really.

I really love school. I know I've said so a lot lately, but you should understand something--I have never been so completely drawn in to the classes I was taking before (except of course the public speaking class i took from my cousin).

Take yesterday, for example. On Monday, I was up and working on a project for my Interior Design class until about 3 am. I then woke up at 6:30 to get ready for my brakes class. Goodness, do I love that class.

Once again, I'm the only girl in my class; I have come to love and embrace this. Also, almost all of the guys were in my electrical class, so we know each other already. All of these things equal a really awesome class. Admittedly, the first two hours of Theory are kind of boring... But we had our first real day out in the garage where a couple of guys brought in their cars and we did inspections on their brakes.

I got SO dirty! I should have taken a picture of my hands because they were BLACK. I even managed to get dirt and grease on my face. And clothes. I loved it! I got so excited that my hands were getting dirty and the guys all laughed at me.

I take the laughter with a grain of salt. There are quite a few things I have no idea how to do that are second nature to these guys. Almost all of them work in a shop of some kind or have been working on cars since they were kids. I'm brand-spanking-new at this and they take every opportunity they can to get little jabs and remarks in. Take tire pressure, for example. Have I ever done that? No. Should I have? Um, yes. I was a car owner for awhile; I admit, I totally neglected those tires.

Anyway, I accidentally let it slip that I had never checked a car's tire pressure before. Of course they gave me a ton of crap about that, but then they made me check all the rest of the tires. That's kind of how things go. They make fun, then they teach me. I absolutely love that they have never ostracized me because I'm a girl. I think they've actually taken more of an interest in my education because of it. A guy will be checking something and call me over with a, "Hey Laura, do you know how to do this?" Or "What's this? Do you know?" "Here, I'll show you". That, to me, is worth taking every bit of crap they throw my way. After all, it's all in good fun.

I want to take all my classes with these guys. I love them like my brothers.

Holy Hannah

Goodness; that was a tough run! Great, but tough.

I have to listen to music when I run. Not just any music. It has to have a really heavy beat. Preferably a fast one, too. But it can't be obnoxious like rap. I need it to help me put one foot in front of the other. My music is my motivation.

I asked a friend about music that's good for working out a couple of months ago. He gave me an artist to look up. I have never heard of them or the genre. Didn't look into it, promptly forgot about it.

As the weeks go by, the running gets a little harder. Granted, my endurance is definitely building, but sometimes I really need that extra push to get me through my regimen.

Ah, yes. That extra kick in the backside would be new music!

I remembered the artist Kevin told me about. Skrillex. Ha. Apparently of the genre Dubstep. No idea what either of those words mean, but I got on Rhapsody tonight and downloaded all of songs (except for the gazillion remixes) onto my Fuze.

Oh. Boy. I started running and pushed play. It's total rave music. And I love it. It is EXACTLY what I needed. Super heavy, fast beats that kicked me into high-gear interrupted intermittently by catchy melodic tidbits.


Can't wait til I've got the Fuze on shuffle and it goes from Italian opera to this stuff...



It's my new secret weapon against tired legs and abdominal cramps. I'm excited to break it out again on my next run.

I never meant to be this close.

Oh my little heart; it is weary. There have been some big ticket items dragging it down lately.
My mind is tired too. I've been trying to push it lately and it's struggling. It tries so hard, but it's just not enough.


So much frustration lately... a little relief would be nice. I just don't know how to find it.

Got Happy?

Have you ever wondered what the sound of pure happiness is?

I can tell you; I heard it today.

Now, most people would probably expect to hear something along the lines of babies laughing or little feet running around a house or some other cutesy, cliche answer.

But those are wrong. Dead. Wrong.


I'll tell you what it is: The sweet, sweet purr of an 8.4L V10 engine growing into a roar that sends shivers down your spine and makes your tingly hands fly to your face in a moment of breathless delight.

Want one?

I sure do..

Epic. Fail.

I am a total failure.

But, really, I just couldn't help myself.


I'm powerless against a good discount.

And black pearls.





Lots and lots of black pearls....

Pants on fire

Ok, ok, call me a liar.

But really, this is too great not to share.


At about 2:00 this morning, I was in my room trying to finish an assignment for school that's due today. All of the sudden, my bedroom door opens and I see my little sister standing there. Without pants on.

"Did I leave salmon in here?"

'Scuse me? Salmon? In my room? I think not.

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Are you awake...?"
Jocey: *blink*....*blink*.... "Yes."
Me: "Salmon?"
Jocey: "Yeah. I had some yesterday and I think I put it in here."
Me: "Like in a can...?"
Jocey: "No, like the fish."
Me: *dies laughing*
Jocey: "Shut up!" *walks out* *goes back to bed*

Oh my goodness, I really love the things that happen at my house.

Last one today, I promise

Anyone curious about the man of my dreams?

This is him.




Oh. Did I mention my dreams are nightmares?

Though, that was pretty funny. I figure, if I'm going to be talking about my nightmares, it needs to be a little humorous... Right? Or course right.


You can go with this, or you can go with that.... This is going to be stuck in my head for a week now...

I shall spend no dime. I'mma need 'em all...

Goals...

They are great.

Super great, even.

I have a lot of them.


Sometimes, this fact can be a bit overwhelming. *sigh*


I found a most delightful condo/townhouse in Provo that I really want to buy.
Unfortunately, I'm dirt poor and it's a little too far away.

It's gonna take awhile to get there, but I'm determined.
I now declare the next 5 years of my life spending-free.
Not a single dime shall be wasted.

I'm also going to be getting a Honda Shadow. I don't care what you naysayers say. 'Cause you're naysaysers and you live to try and crush my dreams.

Well guess what?? Not gonna happen.


So. Put that in your cage and poke it.

Life is busy and delightful

A happy Monday to everyone!

Double digits! Oh, wait...

Even though I realize this is almost a week late, I'm going to share events and thoughts regarding my birthday this year anyway. It was a good one. Bitter sweet. (that seems to be the theme for this past week.)

Because my big day landed on a Wednesday, it all started off with breakfast at Communal with two of my buddies, Nate and Eric. (i definitely carbo-loaded on the best french toast in the world!) Typically, we do lunch together and Brandon joins us when he's not sleeping. Great guys, awesome friends. Nate had to hurry it up a little cause he had a Hebrew class to get to (he's super cool like that) so he was only there for about 50 minutes. Haha a short period of time when you consider our traditional Wednesdays out usually last about two hours. It's my favorite day of the week.

After getting home, I did some homework then went over to Jonathan and Ali's place to shoot some pictures of Ali's outfit for her 21 day challenge. I played with the bubby and watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory (fantastic show Ali turned me on to) while Ali did the finishing touches to get ready for her photo shoot. I love, LOVE spending time over at their place. Mostly because I adore my nephew, but also because Jona and Ali are two of my very best friends. I can talk to them about anything and their advice is always good. They take care of and look out for me.

My bestie, Becca, met us over there and we had a great few hours taking pictures and coming up with statement jewelry options for the next day's shoot. This really was a great day.

This is my favorite picture from that day, which I have stolen from Ali's blog post. Mmhmmm. Love the shoes, the composition, and what looks like Ali's "accident"... haha.

To top off the evening, we had a big family dinner complete with brother, sister and nephew. The very, very best thing about having a birthday in our family is baby-veto power. Veto power = I get to hold him whenever the fancy strikes. No matter who else is holding him. (except, of course, mom and grandma. grandpa nosed his way in there too.)

I was kind of a pain this year, and I didn't give anyone specifics with regards to gifts. (or so i thought.) Instead, I asked everyone to contribute to my Tuition/Textbook Fund. We didn't have cake either; I'm all about ice cream. Strawberry ice cream, to be exact. None of that chocolate crap.

My family. Can I just take a moment and say how much I love them? Thanks.

I love them a lot. There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, I love more than all of us being together. We always end up laughing. Without fail. And this isn't a few chuckles either; this is full-on belly laughs that cause tears to stream down my face.

Even though I didn't ask for anything, (except for doll hands. don't ask. i'll get to that) I was showered with some great stuff. I received a plethora of singing, flashing cards that were pretty spectacular. My family caters to my BSOS quite nicely, I must say.
A new cocktail ring was added to my collection (he's a big, silver, sparkly elephant. and his name is totes marvy. marvin for short.).

Tickets to the symphony were supplied. 3 of them, to be exact. With an extra for a guest of my choosing to each one. (be nice to me and you might get one haha). Apparently a certain sister(in-law) reads my blog and pays attention. I've been wanting to go for a LONG time! I love Abravanel Hall. It's a beautiful building and I performed there once! A few years ago, I got to solo with Thurl Bailey for the Days of '47 Pops Concert. (quick side note; that man is unbelievably huge. i think i maybe came up to his waist.) I have great memories of that event and I haven't been back since and I've been meaning to for a while. Now I can! Birthdays are the best!

On to my favorite gift of the evening. Doll hands. Doll hands and arms, to be exact. The tear-inducing laughter started the moment I opened this one, and didn't stop for five whole minutes straight. I really did have tears streaming down my face and I couldn't breathe.

I do realize that to the average reader, this is probably the kind of present you'd expect to hear about from a psychopath. To my friends, they're probably just shaking their heads and wondering how they got mixed up with me, knowing that I do not collect dolls or make them for any sort of hobby. Comparisons to Sid (creepy kid from Toy Story) and probably flashing through minds at the moment. Allow me to shed some light on the situation: Click HERE or here or here for enlightenment and laughter.

Seeing as I have three sisters and Halloween is coming up... can you see where I'm going with this? Yes. It would be awesome. Epic, even.

I hope you are all green with envy over my awesome family, because they are worth coveting! And they sure know how to make a girl's birthday a special one.

With all of the time I was able to spend with so many people who are so precious to me, there was one irreplaceable, unfillable hole in my day and weekend. My dear, dear best friend Annie. Her birthday is two days after mine, and for the past few years, we've had a joint party to celebrate. This year was going to be extra special because Annie is the youngest one in our group and she finally turned 21 and we were supposed to go hit up Vegas, baby! This of course was the plan before she moved out to New York at the beginning of the summer. I miss her terribly and our birthday just wasn't the same without her. Happy Birthday, my friend. I hope your day was amazing! You certainly deserved it!


Here's to future birthdays and bigger and better plans!

Lazy days

August is my favorite month. And not just because it happens to be the month I was brought into this beautiful world. (though that's part of it...)

School starts in August. I love to learn (even if my grades never did show that...) and I'm super excited to be going back this semester! There are many "I don't know"s in my life right now, and my career/major is one of them. I don't have one, and the lack of direction has kept me out of school for the past two semesters now, and I need to go back. With a lack of direction, it was hard for me to fork out so much money on classes I didn't really need. However, I DO know that in conjunction with whatever my major turns out to be, I want to get my Auto Mechanics certificate. So. That's what I'm doing for now. Brake systems and lab, electrical systems and lab and automatic transmissions and transaxles and lab are all what's being served up this fall and I can not wait. Classes go from 7 am to 10 pm. We'll see how this turns out.

Also. Anyone who needs it, I don't charge for labor... Just sayin'.

There will also be a brief brake (yes, that was intentional) from auto classes for a traipse through an Interior Design class. With my good friend Eric. Who will be the only straight male there AND whose Birthday also happens to be in August. Today, as a matter of fact. Happy Birthday, dude. Breakfast this morning was heavenly! (we occasionally visit communal on tuesday mornings for breakfast. i got their french toast with a raspberry puree and maple syrup because on birthdays i can have carbs, dang it!! eric got a free birthday muffin with his tomato/chorizo/egg deliciousness. so great.)

August is also great because it's the end of Summer and means that Fall is just around the corner. Which just so happens to be my very favorite season.


Good things this month. Good, good things.

Music shows the hidden heart

I think a night at the symphony or opera is in order.

Something soul soothing; Enya just doesn't seem to be doing it these days. Time to call out the big dogs. Big guns. The cavalry. Whatever.

Much difficulty I am having with motivation in my life. Except in the health department, for some reason. My body, mind and soul have latched on to becoming healthy. (even if I did eat that dang bread stick, eric! my brain still needs to function...ha. but it won't happen again...)

I desperately need a job. I know this, yet I am having trouble with getting my resume updated and sent out. I need to go to school and finish a dang degree. Unfortunately, I'm having a most difficult time picking a major.

I don't know what my problem is, but I suspect it is closely connected to the fact that I have no direction in my life at the moment. (also, it is probably hard to pronounce.)

The sweet, tender notes of a symphony wrapped around me; this is what I need to do some serious soul searching. I need a little help to peer deep into my heart and figure out what I want.



Something a little more specific and material than just 'happiness' is needed at the moment.

It's about dang time

THE INSPIRATION:

AH! Haha *drools*... I love this dress! Basically, it's fabulous. A perfect party dress. Mostly I love it for the zebra print at the bottom. Ask anyone. I'm a sucker for zebra print. I even convinced one of the reps from a frame manufacturer I used to work with at my previous place of employ to talk them into putting it on the outside of a frame. And they did. Then he gave me the frame for free. Hello fabulous sunglasses!

And what girl doesn't need an amazing pair of boots? Every girl does, I tell you! Do these go mid-thigh? Yes. Yes, they do. They remind me of pirate boots and I love them. I've always dreamed of becoming a pirate wench and sailing away. This may just be my chance. Just need to find a ship and the hunky pirate that goes with it. (and as my fabulous little brother pointed out, these would provide a grand place to stow an easily accessible knife. Perfectly pirate-y.) Arrrrgh.


The best part? I already own both of these portentous items. Mmhmmm. Life is positively grand!


THE MEANS:

Say hello to my new best friends! These babies.... I tell you, I've said it before and I'll say it again: The shoes make all the difference! Granted, every time I've said it before I was referring to the success and overall statement of an outfit... But seriously, the right running shoes will literally make or break you. Physically. And physical breakdowns lead to mental breakdowns. Let's go for avoiding those, yes? I feel good about that. And, because old habits die hard (unless you're willing to unceremoniously slaughter them, like i am currently doing with many in my life right now), these shoes are also my new best friends for one more reason. They are now the most expensive pair I own. By a LONG shot. Not that they're worth the most (that would be the aforementioned boots worth about three hundred big ones, but do i ever pay full price for my designer stuff? ha. heck no.) So I've got to use these puppies to justify the purchase. I've never felt so good about such a big investment in myself. So far, they are performing just beautifully with the challenges I've presented them with. And that's saying something.

Now, I couldn't find an exact picture of this next one (i've been very particular about that with the previous pictures. they're all exactly what I have), and yes, I could just go take a picture of it myself, but it's a little too dark for that. I may come back and edit this part of the post later though... Anyway, the next part is the fully equipped, totally awesome weight machine with all the bells and whistles that my family has down in the basement. The running program I am currently working on only has three workouts per week. So I'm throwing in a little cross training on my off days. This will mostly be weight training, but I may add some pool time and pilates in there as well. I want to focus on lifting first and foremost though. I'm definitely looking into some help with this one... (then, in a few months, it's on to p90x. yeah, i'll defs keep y'all posted on that. it'll for sure be interesting!)

There are far too many individuals to credit them all, but the people who inspire and believe in me are a huge part of this. I definitely wouldn't be able to make any of these lifestyle changes without my family and friends who are keeping me in line. Most specifically, my workout buddy Heather. She has played an irreplaceable role in getting me started with all of this. And she's doing it with me. That's motivation enough, I can't let her get too far ahead of me; I'm way too competitive for that! There's also my dad, who is many months ahead of me in this process. A mentor and advocate for my success. These people are precious to me and make me want to be the very best I can be.

And lastly, but most certainly not least, I know I will come out victorious and on top because of my indomitable fighting spirit. I refuse to be beaten. I am going to take this challenge I've been facing for the majority of my life and kick it's sorry, impalpable backside. Anyone who knows me well can tell you I'm one of the most stubborn people you will ever have the chance to meet. Once I really commit to something, nothing can get in my way that will stop me.

Because of this, I feel like this particular poem (which is a personal favorite) is quite fitting and apropos.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

What to do, what to do

Unemployment does not suit me.

I don't know what to do with myself these days.


A change is needed. Desperately.

And the award goes to....

So I may or may not have just spent a whole lot of American dollars on tickets to the National Finals Rodeo for my little brother's birthday. And myself, of course, cause he'll need a chaperon, seeing as he's only 13 years old.

We are super excited. It's going to be a freaking party!



I definitely win best sister of the year.

And we don't even care if Chelsea thinks we're turning into rednecks. In fact, we find it kind of funny.